I had a particularly good day today after many weeks of feeling lost…trying to figure out this temporary new normal...or maybe not? My toddler was happy, I had energy, I was able to stay on task, I was able to do all of the cooking on time and have time at the end of the day to unwind while chatting happily with my husband. I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t irritated for no reason. I wasn’t frustrated. I didn’t feel lonely anymore or unsupported. I felt like I could meet the present uncertainty with resilience for the first time in over four weeks.
It was then, that, I realized that I’d been grieving my life pre-COVID-19 all this time and I had just moved into acceptance. Something in me, decided that if this is how it is going to be then, I am not only going to accept but thrive in this new normal.
Have you been grieving your life pre-pandemic since mid-March?
Our lives were different pre-social distancing and pre-shelter in place orders. We had seemingly greater control over each part of our lives because we had the resources to keep our life neatly compartmentalized. For example, when I am at work, my mother-in-law kindly watches my son. Before mid-March I rarely had to do anything work related while being mom. But, now, not only me, but millions of others are left juggling many hats with limited resources.
The Kübler-Ross model defines the five stages of grief as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance and arguably a sixth stage in their latest work - finding meaning. Anyone who is grieving does not necessarily go through all these stages or in the same order.
I know from my private practice and personally that grief, many times, is hard to recognize even by the person grieving because it can ‘look’ so different person to person.
Have you been grieving your life pre-pandemic since mid-March?
If you have, then know that the grief is normal. A drastic unexpected change is often met with grief because we didn’t decide or plan for the change.
I didn’t plan on raising my two year old this past month without the support I normally have
I didn’t plan on having to cook every meal because even thinking about ordering in one day made me question whether or not that would be protective for my family’s health
I didn’t plan on not be able to go to the library, park or meet other moms/families so I could socialize, leave the house for a change in pace…
But, I also didn’t plan on:
The RELIEF I’ve felt from not having to participate in social obligations and our fast-paced lives
The EMPOWERMENT I feel from being more self-reliant because now I feel, I really, can face anything
The urgency to REFLECT on the state of our world, nation, community, the state of healthcare and the state of our personal health
Your challenges and situation may be drastically different from mine and possibly infinitely more difficult. I cannot deny this fact. Yet, I have to believe because we’ve all put into this way of life at the same time, therein it gives some common ground - somewhere we can all start the discussion on how COVID-19 has really changed/challenged us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We must begin the conversation to rediscover how to live well…live radiantly ;)
Be Radiant,
~Dr. Dimpi